


vanilla twilight

by yadoiangel



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Drunken Shenanigans, Exes to Lovers, Gen, Getting Back Together, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Oikawa Tooru, Narration Heavy, Post-Canon, Post-Timeskip, but they're light drunk shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28362429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yadoiangel/pseuds/yadoiangel
Summary: @thehinatasunshine posted: back home with this dumbass!Alt text: [ picture of Hinata throwing up a peace sign and Kageyama glaring holes into the back of his forehead ]It couldn’t be helped, he supposed, since thiswastheir home town too, and itwasthe holidays, soof coursethey’d take the time to visit family—which was what Kei was also currently doing. He sighed to himself and shut off the phone, leaning his head back on the glass window and closing his eyes against the rush of memories of seeing Kageyama again, even if it was only through someone else’s life.It was going to be a tough month.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Akiteru & Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64
Collections: The King and the Commoner





	vanilla twilight

**Author's Note:**

> I… don’t actually know what this is. I haven’t been writing for a while and then the holiday blues got to me, so I decided to project onto Tsukki dsjnfjkdgnjdnkjdfkdsjnfg and then it became this,,, word barf of a fic, and I decided to post it because I’m actually quite proud of it.  
>    
>  The title of the fic came from [this](https://open.spotify.com/track/0vCTQcxSGAgjHaiAsIANKn?si=NRqP9xrWS5yqKPN1Y-Xihg) song by Owl City, and the mentioned slow rock playlist is [here,](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/296W1tgCGPvAjyCSSdiUsG?si=N0EgWOCmSqWPIAdVr8Mj0A) which is what I listened to while writing. I hope you enjoy!

Three years after Kei had completely moved out of Miyagi, he found himself dreading the trip home.

He was already on the train from Tokyo, huge & noise-cancelling headphones blasting his Slow Rock (Greatest Hits) playlist to keep the outside world at bay, scrolling mindlessly through his social media apps because he knew this was the only time he could when the feeling hit: it was this ball of anxiety curling around his chest before settling down somewhere around his abdomen, and he knew it would stay there for the duration of the trip.

 _@thehinatasunshine posted: back home with this dumbass!_  
Alt text: [ picture of Hinata throwing up a peace sign and Kageyama glaring holes into the back of his forehead ]

It couldn’t be helped, he supposed, since this _was_ their home town too, and it _was_ the holidays, so _of course_ they’d take the time to visit family—which was what Kei was also currently doing. He sighed to himself and shut off the phone, leaning his head back on the glass window and closing his eyes against the rush of memories of seeing Kageyama again, even if it was only through someone else’s life.

It was going to be a tough month.

~~~

“How was the trip?” Akiteru asked him once they were in his car, having picked up Kei from the station.

“It was fine,” Kei was disinterested, his headphones around his neck and still playing music loud enough for his older brother to hear, which was indication enough that Kei was trying to be polite, but not _that_ polite.

Akiteru shook his head to himself and kept silent, occasionally looking out of the corner of his eye at his younger brother who kept his head tilted to look out of the passenger side window. He was surprised that Kei was here now after three years of avoiding the place, and he wanted to ask about his decision to visit home but knew he was only going to be rejected. It was painful to see his little brother once again withdrawn, once again with walls so high it was impossible to surmount them after working so hard towards something resembling the relationship they once had.

“‘Kaasan is stoked that you’re visiting this year,” Akiteru said once they were close enough to home.

“Mhm,” was all Kei said, still not looking at his brother.

“I am too, if I haven’t said it yet,” Akiteru hesitantly whispered, shooting the taller blonde a lopsided grin once Kei’s head slowly turned around to stare at him, “I missed ya, ‘touto. It’s been a little colder around these parts since you were gone.”

“Hmm. Sappy as ever, nii-san,” Kei only scoffed, and then he got out of the passenger seat and took his luggage from the back before going inside his childhood home without a glance backwards.

Akiteru only shook his head, trying and failing to smother a quiet chuckle as he sat in the driver’s seat. Somehow, from his little brother’s faint blush and the way he almost smiled at him made Akiteru think Kei was going to be just fine.

~~~

Being here again felt weird, to say the least. For one, he'd grown too much for most of anything in the house, and even after a few days of getting back, he still hadn’t gotten comfortable. 

The feeling persisted until Kei felt distinctly trapped, enough for him to change into warm workout clothes and go out for a run before the sun went lower on the horizon and made it too cold to go out. 

“I’m going for a run,” he called towards the living room as he passed, and his mother only called out an “Okay! Don’t stay out too late!”

Starting out on a brisk pace, Kei didn’t think of his route as he ran. His mind was flying way ahead of him, still wanting to outrun that suffocating feeling. To his dismay, though, being out and about didn’t help at all. He wanted to run right back to Tokyo, to leave the memories of this city behind as he lived the new life he had struggled to build.

With an added sinking feeling, Kei was starting to realize that Sendai felt too small for him now; something feral waking up in him and inspiring an almost violent reaction to tear through it in an attempt to cleanse the place. It was unfair, Kei thought, that his family was part of the city he wanted to upend. He fought the feeling, struggling to reconcile his desire to be close to his brother and mother with the need to protect himself from the onslaught he knew was just waiting for him to drop his guard.

Kei thought his issue was that the memories were always too good, too sweet, still too close to his heart for him to just wash away. For the longest time he let anger dictate his actions, but now—being back here—all that was left in him was the regret of leaving things the way they did, and if Kei was being completely honest with himself, the want for more; the want to reach out and reconnect, to try again. It always left a distinct hollow in his chest that, along with the ball of anxiety that was still there, was decidedly too heavy.

Kei slowed down, finally managing to get out of his head long enough to glance around him, and he laughed despairingly at himself. His feet had brought him back to the park, what he used to think of as _their_ park. He stood stock still just at the entrance, the memories that he so stubbornly kept back for three years finally flooding into his vision. Images of Kageyama waiting with a pout; of the two of them together strolling through deadened trees during winter a few feet apart; of Hinata, Yamaguchi, and Yachi tagging along and the afternoon ending up with an impromptu match; of awkward first kisses and sloppy fourth kisses and already-familiar hundredth kisses in the shadows of the fading sun over the course of their high school years; of a conversation had right before things changed; of a Kageyama growing taller and bulkier, of pouts and scowls turning into smirks and concentrated grins and that one time he smiled so proudly at the sight of the green Sendai Frogs jersey draped over the zipper of a gym bag.

They flashed past his mind’s eye and went straight through the cracks in his skin, sinking and filling that place in his chest that’d been so cold for so long, spreading all over until he felt even his arms and legs wrapped up in the pervasive warmth. Kei let it, too tired and hurting enough to want to feel again, even for just a moment, the happiness that he hadn’t had for the past three years. He blinked at the closed sign in front, taking out his phone and snapping a picture before turning away to finish his run.

Overall, it was such a short pause that it felt inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, but Kei no longer felt the itch he’d been feeling, so it was everything to him.

Later back at his house, before he could talk himself out of it, he posted the picture—his first sign of activity in a year.

 _@tsukkikei posted: back home._  
Alt text: [ picture of the closed entrance to Tsutsujigaoka Park, with the branches that were showing above the gate bare, snow lightly falling, no one else around ]

~~~

“Nii-san, I’m meeting up with some teammates who are in town,” Kei said to his brother the next day, avoiding the raised eyebrow Akiteru sent his way.

“Oh? Are they Kogane-chan and Kyou-chan?” the older man asked, just to see Kei squirm.

“Duh. Who else would be in Sendai for the holidays except for us three?” Kei rolled his eyes, sitting down at the genkan to put on his shoes.

“Just checking. I know Yamaguchi and a few others of your high school friends are also meeting up tonight. For drinks, I think,” Akiteru said, feigned innocence not convincing his younger brother in the least.

“I see Yamaguchi the most out of everyone I know. I’ll see him when I get back on the road,” Kei said dismissively, standing and layering up before he went out.

“You see your teammates every day of the season too, though,” Akiteru followed up, but Kei was already walking out the door. He only rolled his eyes, not knowing what to answer. His brother was right, after all.

What he didn’t say was that Kyoutani also invited them out for drinks, and he was coming without the intention to abstain. It was always a point of concern for his older brother, and once again Kei couldn’t refute it, since he was always right to be concerned.

The first time he drank, it was on a dare. They were second-almost-third years, and with a couple of their seniors (read: Tanaka and Nishinoya), they managed to get ahold of two full bottles of sake. It had something to do with Nishinoya’s grandfather, but he couldn’t recall much more than that.

Picture this: it was after the season already ended and they had chosen their next jersey numbers and captain, which Yamaguchi was keen on abusing. Kei had been playing with Yamaguchi for about nine years, Hinata and Kageyama for two, hanging out with Yachi for about the same time. While he still didn’t trust most of them, he _was_ comfortable enough in his place with them that he didn’t mind tagging along, if only to see the dynamic duo lose it with the effects of alcohol.

So there they were, in a park after school hours, and Kei realized he had made a big mistake. Yamaguchi had grown more into his skin, and running high off of the decision to make him captain, was feeling invincible, even to the blond’s glare. With one of his teasing dares for him to take a sip, the rest had taken up the chant until he was rolling his eyes and snatching the cup away from the snickering libero, muttering for them to _shut up, already._

It went downhill from there. By the third cup, he was feeling pleasantly buzzed enough to let his tongue loose and let out venom the likes of which no one other than Yamaguchi has seen; by the fifth, he was apologizing to everyone for his prickly nature, and by the eighth he was decidedly more than a little maudlin. It would’ve been okay since the rest of his fellow second years were in the same boat, but the problem was this: with every cup he got more honest, and with Kageyama right beside him, it was a dangerous position to be in.

The king didn’t understand where all his anger came from, but the sadder Kei got, the more earnest Kageyama became. It was hilarious, really, like a puppy trying to cheer up its owner, but it worked. Kei didn’t put the usual effort into _appearing_ like he couldn’t care less about the pouty setter—which he _could,_ in spades and droves—and the affirmation seemed to egg Kageyama on, until.

Scene: Kei with a disgruntled expression, barely holding back from showing a genuine smile at Kageyama who was practically needling him for one.

Outside Force: Hinata fell over on the setter’s other side, pushing him towards Kei, toppling them right over the bench.

Dialogue: Kageyama pouted at him, more intense than ever, brandishing his scraped elbow.

“Won’t you kiss it better?” he had asked.

Kei’s brain seemed to have disconnected from the situation then, because no matter how many signals he sent to his arms to push Kageyama away, for his legs to get up and off from under the setter, for his mouth to curl up in disgust, he did none of those things.

Instead, with his face carefully blank, he leaned over and brushed his lips lightly over the wound, lingering for a beat too long before pulling back and catching the astounded look on Kageyama’s face _before_ his limbs finally caught up and executed the commands his brain had been sending.

Suffice it was to say, that was the start to the… situation Kei found himself in for the next four or so years, comprising his best memories.

He avoided drinking when he could since then, and only ingested the least he could without being impolite when he couldn’t. Akiteru’s concern was this: the time immediately after that four year stint of being together with Kageyama were the worst memories he had, _if_ he could even remember them.

His brother’s fear was this: of a Kei getting home increasingly late from work, getting increasingly drunk every week. Of a Kei who let his anger and despair and insecurity out the best way he knew how—at himself, and everyone around him was only collateral damage. If Akiteru hadn’t seen it before, he might’ve given up, but he had (caused it, even) and so he had an inkling of how to deal with his younger brother hurting.

When the season started for the Sendai Frogs that first year without Kageyama, Kei had played like a man possessed, and then when they managed to claw their way up to division 1, he had proceeded to uproot his entire life in Miyagi to relocate to Tokyo, even if the Frogs’ base was still Sendai. It didn’t even matter by then, since they didn’t have any funds to host a game, they accepted every challenge they could, travelling all over the country.

Fast forward to three years later, and they were both in the same city again after being thousands of kilometers apart.

Not that Kei was keeping track.

“Tsukki! You don’t usually come along when we go out, I’m so glad you’re here now! I rarely see you outside practice…” Koganegawa started the second Kei sat down, which was as per usual. He caught Kyoutani’s stare across him and rolled his eyes, and the wing spiker saluted him with the cup he was holding. Kei was long used to his teammates, especially these two, having known them longer than the rest.

“So, what did you do to get kicked out again?” Kei asked jokingly, but Kyoutani only shook his head.

“I came here to _not_ talk about it, thanks,” was all he replied, and Kei noted the signs that his teammate was completely closed off. It wasn’t like his situation was permanent, unlike Kei’s, so he backed off.

He came here to forget, as well, so that’s what he did. Or tried to, anyway. 

“Never saw you drink that much, Tsukki,” Koganegawa observed, paying attention for the first time that night instead of running his mouth.

“One, you don’t know me,” Kei said, pointing the neck of the bottle he was holding at the setter, “And two, it’s the off-season. I’ll be okay,” he reassured as well, because this was his setter (—now, though images of blue eyes and a scowl still haunted him. That was _his_ setter then, and he still couldn’t quite shake the possessive.) He felt as if he got away with something when Koganegawa moved on from the topic.

It was a good night, overall. He didn’t quite forget; didn’t allow himself to let loose the way he wanted to in favor of not shortening his brother’s life more than he already had. Still, these were people he had gotten used to over the course of his career with the Frogs that he came to find a way to enjoy their company.

Which was broken with a cry from his cellphone.

He usually had it on silent, but programmed it to switch to a ring once the time shifts to after midnight because he was of the opinion that calls made in those hours meant more.

So pay attention: it was Kageyama calling. Or at least the display picture told him it was—a picture of them in Rio, not the one with Hinata at the Christ the Redeemer statue but one earlier than that, when they were at the beach and Kageyama had an ice cream cone in hand. Kei had been snapping photos of the sun on the sand, and had switched to front-facing to catch the setter off-guard. The resulting picture was of Kageyama in surprise, soft lines around his eyes as he stared at the back of a blond head because he still hadn’t collected himself enough to mask his emotions. Kei was smirking, because he knew exactly what he was doing.

Good memory, resulting in a resigned sigh from the middle blocker now.

Kei answered the phone—and was immediately bombarded with screaming from the other end.

“Give me that! What the hell are you doing?!” came Hinata’s voice, panting and a bit wild—the usual.

“Get away from me! I’m trying to call him, can’t you see?” the voice that had been in Kei’s head recently was finally given life with that sentence.

A rustle, and then some more muffled grunting and struggling before Kei could make out a faint “Look, you idiot! He answered! He’s listening right now!”

A pause.

“Kei?”

“Are you drunk?” Kei asked, immediately recognizing the slur in the other’s words.

“I—didn’t think you’d uh... answer?” was the reply, though it sounded like a question. He was panting, too, likely the result of him roughhousing with Hinata.

“Then why did you call?” Kei rolled his eyes, and his heart started pounding in his chest then. Through the pleasant haze of alcohol, his mind was finally catching up to the situation. _He was talking to Kageyama._

“I... missed your voice,” the setter slurred, but before Kei could react to that— _how was he even supposed to react?_ —there were more grunting from the phone.

“Hello? Is this really Tsukishima?” Hinata’s voice again, and he sounded pissed.

“Is he drunk?” it seemed like that was the only question he was capable of voicing, then.

“Yeah, told me not to let him do something stupid. I disappear for a _second_ and he got his phone out,” the shorter man struggled to say even that, and Kei could imagine the effort it took to hold back a fully grown pro athlete.

“Where are you, even?” Kei managed to ask, just wanting to prolong the conversation. He didn’t want to think too deeply about the whys.

“We’re in my neighborhood, walking around,” more grunting, and Kei could hear Kageyama in the background screaming “Boke!”

“In this weather? I thought Yamaguchi and Yachi were with you two?” The blond was incredulous, because he knew they were idiots in and out of volleyball, but this was a whole new level.

“That’s why we’re walking! They went home already, and we’re all bundled up and we’ve been drinking so we’re warm enough.”

“Idiots. His house is an hour away by foot, and both of you don’t have cars. Did you expect him to use your bike to get home?” Kei was already standing up, nodding to his teammates before putting on his winter outerwear and heading home—where his brother had a car.

“I... was planning on walking with him?” came the sheepish reply, before the phone was once again fought over. Kei listened to them bickering, wondering if what he was doing was due to the alcohol or maybe he finally snapped, or a combination of the two.

“Kei? Are you there?” Kageyama’s voice again, and the blond took a deep breath.

“Yeah,” he answered, suddenly angry.

“Come get me? This dumbass’s been nothin’ but a killjoy.”

“Ha! Like you’re any better,” Kei let slip before he could think of it. 

Maybe it _was_ the alcohol, because he heard a hitch of a breath, but he wasn’t sure, and Kageyama’s moved on, anyway, so maybe it was just him and his wishful thinking.

“Would you drive me home?” Kageyama’s voice was hopeful, accompanied by Hinata’s loud “That’s it! I give up! Have fun facing your mistakes when you’re sober, Bakageyama!”

“I _can’t,_ because I’ve been drinking too.”

“Oh.”

“But I’m pretty sure my brother hasn’t, so if you don’t want to get hypothermia, keep your blood flowing but don’t walk around a lot.”

“Okay.”

“Now give the phone to Hinata.”

“...No.”

“Why the hell not?”

“I’m scared I’m dreaming you up, and when I hang up you’ll be gone again.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake! Gimme that,” Hinata screamed, and then he was talking into the phone, though Kei couldn’t hear anything much. That was the most words in a sentence Kageyama spoke thus far, and also the words that caused Kei’s blood to boil, rushing in his ears and heating him up faster than even his coat did.

“Stay warm. I’m having my brother drive him home,” Kei interrupted the shorter man, his words clipped and curt before hanging up.

The _audacity_ of Kageyama to say those things to Kei, when he was the one who moved away without any prior notice, when he was the one who stopped talking to him, when he was the one who _gave up?_

The gall of him to call _now,_ after three years of nothing?

Kei had stopped trying when it was clear Kageyama wanted to do nothing with him anymore, and he never had the chance to properly talk to the setter after everything. Maybe this was his chance to get that closure he knew he needed, and with the anger in his veins, he was going to make himself heard.

Kageyama would listen, this time.

“Nii-san?” Kei called out when he got home, staying just inside the genkan.

“Kei? Are you drunk?” was what his brother shouted from somewhere inside the house, making the taller blond roll his eyes.

“Yeah, just a bit. I need a favor,” he said once Akiteru was in view.

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Can you drive me to Hinata’s? I’ll show you the way. Need to pick up someone and drive them home.” He was already turning back around to go outside, avoiding his brother’s eyes.

“Who is it?” Akiteru followed him out a second later, putting on his coat and scarf as he walked.

“…You remember Kageyama?”

“Oh.”

“Idiot is out walking drunk.”

“Okay. You gonna be okay?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Okay then.”

The drive to Hinata’s was relatively short, being in winter after midnight as it was. It was quiet in the car, and Kei was tense with anticipation and anger still. His head had cleared quickly, and he was just running his mind through the things he wanted to say. All he had were questions, though.

Why didn’t Kageyama tell him he had accepted an overseas offer? Why did he let Kei find out along with everyone else, when they were supposedly together?

When Kei told him he wanted to try making it work long distance, why did he accept when he wouldn’t put in the effort? Why would he let Kei make a fool of himself instead of just spelling it out? Did he really have to string him along for months, making Kei hope, letting him think everything was okay when Kageyama clearly only found him to be a nuisance, something that got in between his training?

Why did Kageyama call now, after three years? What did he hope to achieve? Did he really enjoy hurting Kei that much?

“I don’t know what you’re going through right now, but I know that look,” Akiteru’s voice cut through his thoughts, and he looked at his brother in confusion.

“What look? I don’t have a look.”

“Yes you do. It’s this one you always get before a match, when you’re staring at the court. You’re focused, yeah, but there’s something else there I didn’t recognize until now.”

“What?” Kei asked despite himself.

“You’re challenging someone—yourself or him, I don’t know. It’s like you’re saying ‘I’m going to prove something to you.’ You used to give me that look when you were a little kid, too. It went away for a bit, but it’s back now. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

“Why?”

Akiteru stopped the car, and that’s when Kei noticed they were already at Hinata’s place. _Since when did he know where Hinata lived?_

His brother turned to him with a bittersweet smile.

“Do you know what you want to prove to him?”

Kei had nothing to answer to that, so he left it unanswered. He opened the passenger side door and got out, his breath and glasses immediately fogging in the winter air. He looked around to at least orient himself as he waited for his vision to come back, looking for silhouettes that could tell him where the dynamic duo was.

“Tsukishima!” came Hinata’s voice just off to the left from where he was standing.

Kei turned to look, and with fog still at the edges of his frames he could finally see Hinata’s orange hair—and someone taller leaning heavily next to him.

“Here, get him off me. I’ve had enough of his emo ass,” Hinata said when they got close enough, and mechanically, Kei took one of Kageyama’s arms to put over his shoulders and together they situated him in the backseat of his brother’s car.

“What were you two up to?” Kei asked, still standing outside because he wasn’t ready to get into an enclosed space with two people who’ve hurt him entirely too much.

“‘Guchi invited us out to ramen and some drinks. That idiot had more sake than ramen, and then called you.” Hinata said, rolling his eyes and leaning his back against the car door, not looking at the taller man. “Didn’t think you’d be back here, though.”

“Yeah well,” Kei answered, mirroring his position, “Had to go home one of these days.”

“Oh, please don’t tell me you’re emo too,” the shorter man whined, making Kei scoff.

“I am _not_ emo.”

“Oh yeah? You wanna know why he decided to get drunk tonight?”

“…Why?”

“He saw that picture you posted, then he showed it to the rest of us, and then he told me, ‘don’t let me do anything stupid tonight.’”—he said this with his best impression of a grumpy Kageyama, which, after all these years, he had down to pat already—“and then he proceeded to drink his weight in sake.”

“…”

“Are you okay, Tsukishima?”

“I don’t know.”

“Fair enough,” Hinata took a big inhale, and then he turned to face Kei. “I think you two should talk and figure this out.”

“You do, huh?” Kei side-eyed him.

“Yes! You haven’t been back here in three years and then you post something like that? C’mon, Tsukishima.”

“Since when do you give people relationship advice?” Kei finally stood to his full height to look down on him, smirk at the ready.

“Since I saw you play like you never played before and Oikawa-san told me you kinda played like he used to, back when he was first starting in Argentina.”

“And how did he used to play like?”

“Like someone who’s desperate to climb up the ladder that they forgot where they came from. Sometimes he said he even _wanted_ to forget, but in the long run that didn’t help him. I don’t think it helps you, too.”

Hinata walked towards his front door then, leaving Kei blinking after his back. Maybe being with someone like Oikawa had given him some wisdom, too, among other things.

“Ready?” his brother asked when Kei got back in, this time beside Kageyama.

“Nope,” Kei answered, popping the ‘p.’

“Wait, what are we talking about?” the setter spoke up for the first time, his words still slurring.

“He was asking me if I was ready to deal with you,” Kei told him with a blank expression, wanting to see if he would react.

“You took three years. Don’t you think you got more than enough time?” Confusion was plain on his face, as well as hurt. Kei scoffed.

“You’re starting with that, huh?” he asked, resisting the urge to face him in the cramped room of the back of the car.

“Hahaha hey, Tobio. You sober enough to remember me?” Akiteru asked nervously from the driver’s seat, distracting the two of them.

“Hi, nii-chan,” Kageyama gave a pathetic wave. “Of course I remember you.”

“You don’t get to call him that anymore,” Kei said angrily, and then pointed to his brother, “And why do you still call him Tobio?”

“‘Cause that’s what I’m used to?” Akiteru offered, and Kei only rolled his eyes in reply, crossing his arms and looking out the window for the rest of the drive.

“I really did miss you,” he could hear the setter mumble, but Kei only tightened his hands around his arms.

~~~

“Do you need my help?” Akiteru asked once they were in front of Kageyama’s house. Kei could understand the double meaning of the question.

“No, I can take him,” the taller blond answered both his questions dismissively, carrying Kageyama easily. He led the setter inside his house, still familiar even after years of not being here.

“Kei, are you gonna disappear again?” Kageyama mumbled when the blond set him down on the kotatsu of what he knew to be their living room.

“You disappeared first, asshole,” Kei couldn’t help but say, which shut him up right away.

“I’m sorry,” the setter mumbled again, and Kei took a deep breath.

“Look, I got a lot of questions right now, but you’re clearly not in the right mind to answer them. So let’s just leave it alone, okay, Kageyama?”

“…No.”

“No?”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“Tough shit, you’re the one who left first.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“I get an apology _now?_ ” Kei was incensed, deciding to let go of some of his restraint in favor of vindication. “What the hell happened to three years ago when I lost my mind just trying to contact you, huh? What happened when I sent that last message, when I called for the last time, gave you that last chance to reach out? Why didn’t you try to apologize then?”

Kageyama just stared at him as he ranted, and past the cloud of anger, he could see the tears that were collecting on the corner of his eyes, the way he curled in on himself with every word the blond said.

“I don’t got any excuses, but—” Kageyama tried to say, but he was cut off.

“You don’t have _anything_ to say! No excuses, no explanations, absolutely _nothing_ to make up for what you did to me!” Kei screamed in his face.

Kageyama flinched, the first time he ever did in Kei’s presence. It was enough to drain the fight out of the taller man.

“I know,” the setter said, his words small.

“Look, it’s late. You’re still drunk, and honestly? I just want to rip into you right now. Let’s talk again tomorrow, okay?” Kei heaved a deep sigh, moving to leave.

“I deserve it,” Kageyama said after him, his voice stronger this time, enough to make the middle blocker pause in his steps.

“What?” he asked without turning back.

“I deserve you ripping into me.”

“Tch.” Kei clicked his tongue, starting to walk away.

“Do you mean it?” Kageyama asked again, oddly desperate.

“…Mean what?”

“You’ll be back again?”

“I don’t know.”

And then he left for real, not looking back, not even to see Kageyama all alone, not even to notice that it was the holidays and there was no one else home.

“How are you?” Akiteru asked once he was back in the car.

“I don’t know,” Kei answered, burying his face in his hands. “I’m tired.”

“Okay,” his brother nodded, then drove home in silence.

~~~

“So when were you going to tell me you met up with Kageyama last night?” Yamaguchi barged into his room the next morning.

“Good morning to you too,” Kei said, already awake and just staring at his phone mindlessly.

“I had to hear from _Hinata?_ Am I not your best friend anymore?!” his friend further demanded.

“You never were,” Kei deadpanned, and Yamaguchi hit him in the side.

“So what happened?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you mean, nothing?”

“I _mean_ nothing happened. He was too drunk to talk to so I just had nii-san drive him home.”

“That’s not what I heard.”

“Then why the fuck are you asking me?” Kei glared at him.

“ _Because,_ ” Yamaguchi started like it was obvious already, “I want to hear it from you, to see how my friend was doing. You haven’t come back to Miyagi in three years and when you do, the first thing I see on your profile is the park? What would you do if I did that, huh?”

“Mind my own damn business.”

“Fine,” his friend threw his hands up, rolling his eyes and walking towards the door. “Be like that. Don’t come crying to me when you end up hurting yourself again.”

They both knew he didn’t mean it. After all, Yamaguchi was used to Kei’s moods—and this one was familiar.

Whenever Kei had felt helpless and hopeless and lost—which he was a lot of in high school—he’d hole up in bed, refusing to make another decision.

In light of the new morning, last night’s events only managed to confuse the blond more, Kageyama’s reactions to him not being what he expected it to be, though he did see the bout of anger coming. It wasn’t like it was before, only full of hurt and the need for revenge. This time around it was accompanied by regret at the time wasted, by the hesitant hope he’d been trying to squash down at the sight of the setter’s remorse.

What got to Kei most, though, was the need for answers. He never had the chance before, and now that Kageyama seemed willing, he wanted nothing more than to ask his questions.

He was still afraid, though.

Having Kageyama so close inspired another want in him that he’d been trying not to acknowledge thus far, but with a clear head it was more prominent than ever: he just wanted Kageyama back in his life again.

It was a dangerous thing, this want. It listened neither to his head nor his heart, both of which were still so confused. No, this one was a force, secure in its goal. It disregarded everything else and gave Kei tunnel vision, the end of which was a dream that he and Kageyama were together again, that the past three years were only a nightmare and he was finally waking up.

Kei despised it with all his being even as he yearned for it.

“I know it’s not my place to say,” a voice at his door spoke up, startling him though he didn’t give an outward reaction, “But you’re overthinking this.”

“You’re right. It’s not your place to say.”

“Look, Kei, why don’t you just talk to him, huh?” Akiteru’s voice sounded closer, and Kei felt his brother sit on his bed. “That’d be the easiest way to resolve whatever it is still between you two. And don’t you think you deserve it? After what happened between you two?”

“After what he did to me,” Kei couldn’t help but correct, and Akiteru held his hands up too, eerily similar to the way Yamaguchi did earlier. 

“My point is,” Akiteru huffed, “You’ll get nowhere driving yourself nuts just sitting here thinking. You already said last night that you’ll talk to him, so go do that.”

“...Fine.”

“Good,” his brother patted him on the same spot Yamaguchi hit him, “Because he’s here.”

“What?” Kei sat up, and there at his door, was Kageyama himself. “What are you doing here?”

“‘Guchi invited me over,” the setter answered, his face shadowed and his voice stiff.

“Yeah, well, this isn’t his house. You can get out.”

“Kei—” Akiteru started to say.

“No, it’s... It’s okay, nii-chan,” Kageyama said, and then Akiteru stared at him for a beat before nodding, heading out of the room.

“I know I don’t deserve anything from you,” he started with a deep breath, staring at Kei with an intensity that he reserved for volleyball. “But you deserve this from me. I remember you said you needed answers last night, so I’m gonna give it to you. It’s the least I can do, after everything.”

Kei said nothing, only stared at him cautiously, looking for any misaction from the setter just so he could throw him out himself.

“So whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here to answer. If after that you don’t want to see me again, then that’s it.”

“Who told you to say that?” Kei asked when Kageyama moved to walk away.

“No one, it was just me,” Kageyama looked back at him, his head tilted to the side in confusion.

Kei thought for a second, his brother’s words mingling with Hinata’s from last night. He studied the setter’s face as he tried to make a decision, noting the fear and uncertainty on his face. It was an odd look on Kageyama’s face, one that brought back nostalgic memories to the blond because it was an expression he frequently wore during their first years. What ultimately decided it for Kei the way his body seemed relaxed, almost resigned. Kei could tell he would accept whatever decision he made.

“Fine. I’ll go to your place later tonight,” Kei said dismissively, making the setter’s eyes widen.

“You don’t—”

“Get out.”

“...See you soon, then.”

Footsteps, and then—silence. Kei flopped back down onto his pillow, sighing a huge sigh and wishing he didn’t love as hard as he did, so that it was easier to let go of people.

~~~

“I’ll be here if you need anything,” his brother told him as he got out.

“I know,” Kei answered, and then paused to look back. “Thanks, nii-san.”

Akiteru only blinked at him, but Kei was already gone, striding down the walkway to the Kageyamas’ front door.

It was a walk he was already familiar with, having done it a hundred times in the past. The house was never welcoming to him, and he had written it off in the past, but now he realized it felt that way because the house was never _lived in._

The door opened even before Kei took the small stairs leading up to it, so he stopped just in front of it. Out came a Kageyama with an unsure smile and nervous eyes.

“You came.”

“Don’t act so surprised. I _did_ say I’d go.”

“Aren’t you gonna come in?”

“...No. I can ask my questions here.”

“Oh. Okay.” Kageyama looked away, giving Kei the chance to study him again.

 _Three years in Rome did him well,_ Kei thought, seeing his build and the way he glowed under the pale light of the moon. It was the same effect joining the Adlers gave him—he was more confident now, and happier too, in a way that the blond never managed to make him feel.

After all, Kei wasn’t one of the people Kageyama looked up to. That role had always been Kei’s, no matter their height difference.

“Why did you give up?”

“I didn’t—”

“If you aren’t going to answer me, then there’s no point in us talking.”

“But I didn’t!”

“You told me you wanted to try,” Kei started, his voice low with the remembered anger and pain. “But the second you started in the league I was all but forgotten. I gave you time, because I knew it was hard on you being in a whole different continent, barely knowing the language, and not knowing anyone, but even after that you never gave me time. I didn’t come here to rehash what happened, Tobio, I’m asking _why._ ”

“I missed that,” Kageyama sighed and shook his head, looking up at him.

“What?”

“You called me Tobio.”

“...It won’t happen again.”

“That’s... what’s hard about this, Kei—about us.”

“What is?”

“You make it seem like it’s all my fault—and it mostly _is_ —but you never talked to me,” Kageyama started, and Kei scoffed. “No wait—listen. You didn’t talk to me about how you felt. You tried so hard to keep it like it was when we were together, but that didn’t work for you, did it?”

“...”

“But I thought it did. It was hard being away from you because I couldn’t read you like I knew best how to. By the time I noticed, you got fed up.”

“I gave you one last chance—”

“I know. Do you remember that season for me?” Kageyama was earnest again, his eyes boring into Kei’s, desperate to make himself be understood this time around. “I was second-guessing myself so much that time, our team lost in the second round. I thought you were just giving me a last chance as a—a charity. That’s why I didn’t take you up on it.”

“When have I ever—”

“I know. It’s my fault, and I’m sorry.”

Kei blinked, seeing something new in Kageyama. It wasn’t just remorse—there was determination there too, though for what, Kei couldn’t figure out.

“Why now, after all this time?” The blond cleared his throat, surprised to hear his voice trembling.

“Why’d you post that picture?” Kageyama smiled slightly at him—it would usually be a smirk, but this one was too soft—and in the vanilla twilight, he looked stunning to Kei.

“I—went home, finally. After three years.” it was Kei’s turn to look away, not quite ready to explain his reasons, mainly because he didn’t quite know how to.

“I heard. I’m... happy for you, Kei,” Kageyama told him gently. 

“Thanks.”

They fell silent then, having said all they were willing to say. Kei was shocked to find that the dread and anxiety that had been progressively dissipating from his chest had finally released its hold completely, and he could breathe unimpeded again. He looked at Kageyama with clear eyes—that was to say, with eyes that could take in everything and a heart that could factor in all the mistakes and the hurt, but also all the happiness that he brought Kei—and he made a decision then, one that he was wholly sure of for the first time in a while.

“Come have dinner with us,” he said, the offer unmistakable.

“A-Are you sure?” Kageyama was taken aback, staring as the blond turned around to walk back to his brother’s car. 

“For the next ten seconds,” there was a smirk in his voice now too, and Kageyama let out a huff.

“I’m in my sweats!” he called out, delighted laughter threatening to bubble out of his chest.

“Your call!” Kei called back, and then he did flash that smirk, already knowing what Kageyama would do next.

“Asshole!” the setter said, and then chased after him.

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thank you to [Hime](https://twitter.com/TheHimegimi) for betaing the heck outta this fic on such short notice. They’re an amazing writer and you should check out their [works!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HimegimiWrites)  
>    
>  The promo tweet for the fic is [here](https://twitter.com/yadoiAnghel/status/1343239886673874946?s=19) and if you want, feel free to scream at me about this fic on twitter too! (because your kind words fuel me fhdkjkkdfghk)


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